I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
