I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
