I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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