When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
