We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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