Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
