somebody snuck up and got me drunk
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
