i jhust puked up my retainher.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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