I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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