i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
