The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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