Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
