Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
