i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
