I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
