I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
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