I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
40s are totally the cure
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
