if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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