I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just googled if crying burns calories
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
