you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
