I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
