Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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