I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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