I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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