break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just threw up on my dentist
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
