If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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