then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
