I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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