Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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