Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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