my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
