I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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