Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
