when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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