respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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