So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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