I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
