Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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