There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
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WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize