Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
