Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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