i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
