booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
