I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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