how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
it was like eating out sand paper
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
