i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
