Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
