she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
be right there i have to get my cape
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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