i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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