I like to think it a success when the cops are called
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
