don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He? As in you personified your dick?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
