I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
