The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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