dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
