I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
