just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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