Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
