oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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