omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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