this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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