thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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