i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
