Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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