I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
