I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
