no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
