at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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