i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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