honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
