shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
