you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
