Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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