if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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