I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
