It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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