The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
that is very illegal...i love you.
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